


A Late Lunch

by nomdeplume13



Category: Fullmetal Alchemist
Genre: Humor, M/M, One-Sided Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-01
Updated: 2012-06-01
Packaged: 2017-11-06 13:18:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/419350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nomdeplume13/pseuds/nomdeplume13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Revenge can be sweet, even if it's on your crush and superior officer.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Late Lunch

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own these characters and I don't profit from this story.

Kain Fuery looked at the clock on the wall, nearly kicking himself as he did. He'd missed the first part of lunch, as it was now 1:00, and all that would be left would be the standard fair: sandwiches, hotdogs, and if he was lucky, some overly done leftovers from the noon rush. Kain's stomach wasn't particularly fond of any of these options, not that he was exactly a connoisseur.

Still, the lack of food options wasn't his problem. It was going to lunch when he was there. Standing in front of the small cafeteria on the lowest floor of the central office, Kain checked inside, not seeing him and feeling incredibly relieved. He couldn't even imagine what the man would think if he knew. Just the thought of it brought heat to Kain's cheeks. He could never let him…

"Hey Fuery," the young sergeant heard, then felt a heavy arm on his shoulders. "Forget to come down at noon?"

"Um… yeah." He was here, Jean Havoc was here.

"It shouldn't be too bad. If you can stomach sauerkraut and pork, they still have some that's pretty fresh from the lunch rush. Not a popular dish." Havoc took a drag on a rapidly shrinking cigarette.

Actually, Kain figured he could manage that, but he knew that wasn't what Havoc would get. No, he wouldn't make it that easy on the younger man. He never did.

With Havoc at his side, guiding him into the line, Kain wet his lips just before saying he'd take the day's special. The woman behind the counter smiled and dished out a steaming plate of sauerkraut, pork, mashed potatoes and corn. Even if it was more appealing than a sandwich, Kain knew it would lay like a brick in his stomach for the rest of the day.

"Hello, Lieutenant," the woman said, "what will it be today?"

"Hot dogs, I think."

Damn it. Why not peanut butter and jelly or turkey and cheese? Why hot dogs?

"Come on, we'll grab a table."

Kain only nodded in response, feeling his mouth grow incredibly dry.

"At least we've got our pick. It's why I don't bother with the noon rush. I might be a military dog, but I don't want to fight for my food like one."

They sat at one of the round, white tables, Kain absentmindedly piling the sauerkraut on his potatoes, as he'd done since childhood. Havoc merely snuffed out his cigarette in the ashtray at the center of the table before he picked up one of the hotdogs. "You know," he said, "you'd think that they'd order the same size buns for the dogs. Last week, I think they were trying to serve these on hoagie rolls, and now there's hardly enough bread there for me to hold onto."

As he spoke, a bit of mustard started to gather at the bottom of the thing, forcing Havoc to pull the hotdog quickly to his mouth to catch the would-be drop with his tongue, running the pink organ along the underside of the piece of questionable meat. Again, Kain swallowed, feeling as though his entire throat had been lined with cotton.

"Really," Havoc said, "I should just learn to eat these things plain. I stained my uniform up something terrible last time." There was a quick suck on the end, to ensure that no more of the condiment ran down onto him, before Havoc tentatively bit at the tip. "Fuery, is there something wrong with your food?"

"Huh?"

"You haven't touched it, except to pile it all up on top of your potatoes."

"Oh, just letting it cool down."

"This time of day, the food's usually cool enough. You let it cool any more, it will be flat-out cold." Kain nodded and attempted to take his first bite, again watching Havoc with the hotdog. Despite the fact that the man was rapidly making the first of his two hotdogs disappear, biting the thing and occasionally cleaning up potential messes with his tongue, Kain began to wonder if he would be capable of standing up any time soon without embarrassing himself.

Kain had only managed a few bites before Havoc had finished the first, moving to his drink, that same tongue darting out to the straw just a fraction of a second before the rest of the mouth made it there, his mouth toying with the little plastic tube before releasing it. Eventually, he returned to the other hotdog, repeating the process of licking and nibbling, even throwing in a bit of sucking to the point it made the younger man feel like he was going to explode.

Then, with a wink, Havoc rose from the table, said something about seeing Kain later, and put his dishes in the window of the dishroom.

0o0o0o0

"Well, did you enjoy your lunch?" Mustang asked as Jean entered his office.

"Just fine. I actually had company," Jean leaned against the corner of the colonel's desk, back to the older man. "Fuery was there."

"Really? I didn't think I saw him when I went down earlier."

"I ordered hot dogs."

"That's really unfair," Jean heard Mustang say behind him. "You know he has a crush on you."

"Like you don't egg Ed on." Havoc looked over his shoulder at the now-standing colonel.

"I only do that because I've always enjoyed playing with fire, and his temper's worse than any fire, real or literal."

"Well, sue me, I enjoyed messing with Fuery just a bit."

Jean felt a nibbling on his neck. "As long as you mess with me a bit, too, I guess I can't get too jealous." The blond reached a hand up to the dark head at his shoulder, running his fingers through the silky black hair. "Want to show me a bit of what you did at lunch?"

Havoc turned his head and captured his commanding officer's mouth, answering only with mischievous grin, seeing it mirrored in the dark eyes opposite his own.

0o0o0o0

"Bastard, purposely gets me angry… Well, I'll show him angry, I'll—"

"Mmm… Is this really what you did to your lunch?"

They weren't. They couldn't.

"Mmhmm."

"Oh, shit! Do that again."

They were.

"Ed."

Why were they saying his name? He wasn't… Then it hit him, no one on that side of the door was saying his name. He turned around to find Fuery behind him.

"Sorry to call you by name. I couldn't get your attention. Could you move from the colonel's door? I have some letters for him to sign."

"You don't want to go in there right now."

Fuery opened his mouth to say something, but was cut off by their commanding officer moaning Havoc's name very loudly.

"That's why."

"They can't possibly be doing anything. The colonel is the consummate ladies man." Fuery sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything.

"The colonel asked Havoc to do to him what he did to his lunch while he was with you." Ed could feel Fuery's eyes questioning him. "What? I was eavesdropping. I don't deny it. Havoc said he did, whatever it was that looked like what he's doing now, whatever that is, to mess with you. And Mustang said he purposely eggs me on to get me angry. And I don't know what makes me angrier, that he does this on purpose or that he insinuated that I have some kind of crush on him. Bastard."

"Did they really say that?" Ed was just a bit startled at how dark the tone of Fuery's voice had become and how malicious the look in his glasses-covered eyes had turned.

"Yes." Ed swallowed.

"I wonder if they realize how easily I could turn the fuhrer's intercom system into a broadcasting unit for the entire city."

"Or that I could level the office with them inside it." Ed crossed his arms over his chest, thinking for a moment, seriously contemplating doing exactly that. "But we can't. Much as I rant and rave at the bastard colonel, doing something as drastic as either of those would get us court-martialed, meaning our jobs and possibly Al's safety. We need something devious, but embarrassing on a different level."

"Haavvoc!"

Ed rolled his eyes at the sound from within the office. He put his arm around Fuery as he guided the glowering and somewhat stunned sergeant through the hall. "Tell me, though I'm a superior officer. I'm not specifically yours, am I?"

"No."

"Good. That gives me an idea, though I think I might have a hard time getting anyone to believe me when I tell them I'm straight after this." Still, thinking back at the men in the room, anger flaring, he supposed it was a sacrifice he was willing to make.

0o0o0o0

Jean found himself once again waiting in the lunch line the next day. To his surprise, Fuery was once again eating late in the day.

"Hey, Lieutenant."

Jean couldn't put his finger on it, but Fuery didn't look quite as nervous around him as he had the day before, almost as though he knew something Jean didn't.

"Fullmetal," Jean heard a resoundingly deep voice echo in the hallway, "you owe me for making me miss my regular lunch by throwing your little tantrum in my office."

"Who you calling so short he looks like he's a spoiled two-year-old?"

"I didn't say that, Fullmetal, but it is fitting."

"Bite me, Colonel Bastard."

It wasn't long before Ed and Jean's lover were standing behind Fuery. Jean made his way through the line, not sure he could manage hot dogs again to torment Fuery, deciding just to get a sandwich.

"You know," Fuery said, "I'm not really hungry. I think I'll just skip to dessert."

"Sounds like a good idea," Ed chimed in, smiling at Fuery strangely.

"Don't you think it's wiser to eat a balanced meal?" Mustang asked. "Wouldn't want to stunt your growth, Fullmetal."

Ed looked ready to explode at Roy, but calmed himself as Fuery ordered a hot fudge sundae. "I love hot fudge," Ed said absentmindedly, again with that smile at Fuery. "But I think I'll just take a strawberry popsicle."

Mustang ordered chicken that more closely resembled charcoal than chicken.

Jean sat down, Fuery and Ed taking the seats on either side of him, putting themselves opposite one another. Mustang looked prepared to take his questionable meal up to his office.

"Oh, come on, colonel," Fuery said, "please join us. We have another seat here."

Reluctantly, Jean's lover took the seat opposite him, looking nearly as suspicious as Jean did, himself.

"They gave you two," Ed said, his hand darting across the table to take one of two cherries resting on top of Fuery's sundae before popping the entire thing in his mouth.

"I don't know how commonly you eat those, but the stems aren't generally considered edible," Mustang said, taking that official tone of his, before watching as Ed rolled his tongue around in his mouth a bit before removing a neatly tied stem and placing it on the table.

"I know." While he began unwrapping his popsicle, Fuery was apparently attempting the same thing. A few

tongue movements later, there was a second stem on the table, and a rather proud Fuery looking at it.

"Impressive, Sergeant," Ed said with a smirk before sticking out his tongue to lick the tip of the popsicle, slowly circling over the tip before running the entire length of the frozen treat. Jean forced himself to tear his eyes away to look at Roy, who apparently was watching Fuery, who was licking whipped cream off his finger almost obscenely.

"Ed," Fuery said, almost startling the two older men at the table with how naturally and familiarly that word came off his tongue, "do you want some?"

Jean glanced over to see that Ed now had a good portion of the popsicle in his mouth and was moving it in and out and in… Jean closed his eyes for a moment, trying not to imagine what that fleshy-colored dessert might be.

There was a slight pop, the treat being removed from Ed's mouth, Jean guessed as he re-opened his eyes. "Sure. You know I like chocolate. Not too much of the vanilla ice cream though."

"I know," Fuery said. "Too much like milk."

Then, with his own spoon, Fuery fed Fullmetal, whose mouth lingered just a bit too long on the spoon, that smile once again surfacing as he licked his lips to get the last bits of the fudge that lingered there.

For a few moments, there was silence at the table as Ed continued to suck on that damned pink desert, Fuery licking the white ice cream off his spoon, both hardly taking their eyes off one another as they did. Jean didn't know about Roy, but he felt like an interloper and noticed that neither of them had said a word since they'd sat down.

Then, suddenly, Roy squeaked.

"Oh," Ed said, cocking his head to the side, "was that you colonel, I'm sorry."

As though it had been a signal, one guessing from Roy's expression had had some undertones Jean could only guess, Fuery stood. "I don't think I could eat another bite."

Then, Ed rose, looking at Havoc for just a moment before nipping off the tip of the popsicle. "I think I'd better go and see how Al is doing." There was another long lick of the dessert. "I suppose I'll see you two later."

As the two younger men disappeared, Roy looked at Jean. "I don't know what's going on between the two of them, but they have left me with a not-so-tiny problem that I may need you to take care of."

"I hope you can reciprocate, Colonel," Havoc said with a smile. Now, if only they could get out of here unnoticed.

0o0o0o0

"Well, do you have it?" Kain said once they got out of the cafeteria, anxious to see the entire prank completed.

Ed pulled a marked glove from his pocket and tossed the popsicle in the nearby trash can. "I think I could have been a pickpocket." He put the glove on his hand and raised it directly below one of the fire detectors. With a snap of his fingers, a tiny flame shot out, signaling the fire alarm. The men rushed out of the room, Ed and Kain going along with them, noticing a very surprised Mustang and Havoc with them. Both men seemed to be trying to cover something, and as a commanding officer, it would be Mustang's duty to inspect the troops to ensure that they had evacuated the building properly. Still as the two ran awkwardly, it was blatantly obvious they were both sporting rather prominent erections.

0o0o0o0

Once they were outside, Roy looked over the troops, trying to readjust the flap that covered most of his pants to hide his still-hard member. He walked by Fullmetal, who held out a single white glove to him with a knowing smile.

"Sir, I think you dropped this." As Roy snatched the glove, the realization hit him that this had been an elaborate prank on Fullmetal's part. "I hope you don't think this is me trying to _egg you on_."

"Yes, sir," Fuery said, as though ensuring Jean could hear as well. "I don't think he's _messing with you_."


End file.
